[Vulgar]

Pent uP - If this was some personal recounting, it was cool to get a glimpse into your life. Sounds like a big house, as your main character and narrator has a sense of humor about what it means to have a home and buy things to put it in, while it falls apart or shows its dents simultaneously. Sometimes your writer's voice is refreshing and reminds me of Louis Logic, who I really fucking like, ever since I was a teenager. It's got a real middle-class, everyman feel, with a dose of advanced lit courses at a local college or university. I thought this was dope because you took two words not used everyday, zealot and pedant, which I haven't come across in some time, and turned it into a personal fable. The rhyming was good, only part I didn't like was the 'hurdling forth / working more' couplet. Seemed a little bit forced. There weren't any huge events or revelations in the verse, mostly just house designing and financial woes. Home Improvement, down to earth type. The narration was strong.

Soulstice - I like that you linked the beginning stanza of God with a curious human. There were some high points and medium points for me with this verse, storyline, concept. God looks down at the Earth and sees something going on that hasn't since ancient times - a major catalyst for change, but he doesn't reveal what it is. Shirakh, a desert wanderer, prophet, tribal leader, is a messenger of sorts, who comes across a hidden hive holding precious and super-advanced technologies. The best part of the verse was the world's infatuation and consumption/devotion to religion, despite the pressures and wondrous progression facilitated by science, chemistry, architecture, medicine, etc. I feel like you didn't capitalize on that enough, and instead committed to a somewhat cool story about a messiah. The less impressive aspects of the verse, for me, was the green ghosts with red eyes. I found this to be a slightly corny ominous force/set of characters. I also felt like the giant hive floating inside of an 'unnatural chamber' holding the secrets of science and technology was a bit predictable. Something more subtle and as well thought out as your underlying theme about the rise of religion on the Earth would've benefited this piece enormously. It's hard to write a full, comprehensible and thought provoking story with line limits and topical structure. I didn't like the simplified climax, where he rides a spaceship, fucks shit up at his rival's pavilion, and ascends a throne. I didn't really get how this spiritual transformation led to this kind of an ending. I don't see why God at the beginning would have to summon ghosts, when there are other means at his disposal, I'm sure...but I get that the device was used to go full circle. At any rate, it was a stirring read with positive attributes, although I don't consider the fuse being fully lit. This one lagged where it needed to excel to really push forward.

Vote - Pent uP

I just found Pent's to be more enjoyable. Soulstice is a very talented writer, but didn't make good impact. I found some of the writing to be missing a certain equilibrium, and clinging to writing devices (i.e. green ghosts) that just weren't potent enough to work with.