Thread: Nationaliesm
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Old 05-17-2013, 03:23 PM   #8
Just Write
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Figurative View Post


Pattern decked fabric at an altitude the lands can't reach.
Flapping in the atmospheres gasps, matching flickers of heat.
Red stripes, licorice like, increasing vanity
and Uncle Sams purple crayon set crafts mountains majesty.

i liked the color references in here. sharp stuff and a nice opener also


Amber waves of travesty, burn morals and land
while the glare the flare produces blinds women, children and man
to every horror that stands, whether current or past;
Focused calamity through manning of a magnifying glass.
Every leaf lit, seed scorched, root rendered trash
but the bonfire that rises leaves a nation entranced.

for me i interpreted this (especially the last line) as when all hell breaks loose instead of doing anything we really just stand there and stare. it's like that experiment they did, they set up cameras and acted out like a fake strangling to see if people would help or walk away and sadly majority just stood there awestruck watching.

Every thought demented, moral bent, families get thrashed
but the place cleared out for acres makes some pretty good land.
United we stand in divided states of mind, and the common man
is a titan, given party favors, a hat and an olive branch.
Knowledge scrammed over generations, liberties lollygagged,
but confetti is steady carried keeping U.S. where the party's at.

i dont really get the confetti part but the previous lines leading up to it were solid

History serves as reminder for how things go downhill quick
while ours reminds us for the need of a kill switch.
Laws created under our nose, leaves us tickled with quill pens
we won't mind till the euphoria feel ends:

i just didnt like this part at all

Risen in bed, cold sweat. Woke at crack of the slavemaster
Reminded of plight of blacks when whites, defied all their gray matter.

that was slick mah dude, i feel it

We're all soaking in tears of the native man seen after
the American dream bursted right through his dream catcher.

also i enjoyed this line.. pretty ill

Or the small child from baghdad that cried when he bagged dad
Does he understand he's a pawn in a ploy to score black cash?
When the machine consumes it all, even those holding it up
It'll take a martyrs beating heart to get deployed and blown up in its gut.
nice solid closer right here. gave this piece a somewhat ending instead of just falling off


ok so as a whole i really enjoyed this, the section in red i believe was my favorite, im glad i read this. I'll be honest i opened it and seen the different color font and backed out.. i think its hokey and personally takes away from the piece as well as the off set paragragh template, the only reason i fed was to repay the favor and after reading it i was happy i did and left somewhat impressed. now show me what else you got. stay up
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