Quote:
Originally Posted by Otto Peighlaught
I'm dead and zoned in a dead-end zone with my deadened soul.
Dreading strolls based on preceeding expectations,
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dope. Dis dat Zen?
Quote:
I've read so many I could have drowned in fountain pens.
My id and heart hit their mark when they faught my karma
so many times that I'm fit to star in a hospital drama.
Between the soap box and gold rocks locked in vaults of greed
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Another solid section
I think one thing that really stood out to me was the pacing and delivery. Some ideas were content dense, and these thoughts were split between being lighthearted and being solemn. Rather than your piece seeming scattered, you used your flow of ideas and controlled the context of each segment so that these concepts could coexist without infringing on one another.
Never seemed rushed or conversely dragged on, just well metered
Only complaint is that some of the more serious concepts didnt totally engage me. I didnt really like h the Inches erased/ Inches untraced concept. Just a little bit needlessly overdressed. but the surrounding lines (dear John) were sincere and engaging
nice shit, keep posting