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Old 06-26-2016, 09:14 AM   #6
Split Eight
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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- Haiku Writers Challenge

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'Traumatized to see you leave but grow depressed when you stay'

Reminds me of the tail end of a caustic relationship. Sounds obvious when I put it like that, but emphasis on the 'tail end' description-- like where there's nothing left to do but let it crumble

'It destroys me to build... Adventure in vain'
Sounds like a lament on the futility of relationships. Great phrasing, mean that.

"Laid a blanket on the grass and felt the fall of forever" was beautiful description and really captures hearing an orchestra live. Visions of the 4th on the esplanade come to mind

'Tar Heel Marlboro Light// for hours down to 79th' fell together really well, kind of captures the essence of musicality without being too rhymey.


"Who knows me well enough to love but never to read"
writing is very intimate to you, isn't it? Don't mean to sound condescending, just curious how writers here are more or less open about their talents with those they know (example-- Oats)



Quote:
just the same. my friend sat me down and told me tonight
he'd scribbled down a note to us one saturday night
saying sorry for the mess. put his cigarette out
put a dent in his svedka. put a gun in his mouth
sat and waited it out. cried, collapsed in his chair
i asked why he didn't call. he said i wouldn't have cared.
sometimes i overshare. worry, joy and despair
is all the same from a distance if you're comfortable there
Amazing.

Will post more in-depth feed later, going to the beach tho
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PancakeBrah View Post
I'm going to start off on a tangent.

when I write, lately, I feel as if I begin by stringing together ambient ideas and concepts, then i realize I'm just typing the words coffee, tawdry, and autumn over and over and over, again, then I pass out dru-
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