The first thing that grabs me is the Atmosphere line.
then "Almost perverted with how unconcerned I've grown as a man". Before I talk about this directly, I wanna say that this was great for breaking down the fourth wall-- there is a strong vein of substance concealed within your witticisms. I feel like this line is a crux of great many things in your writing; the page is the place where your past reflections, your self-image, and your commentary on the status quo blend together in a vibrant bokeh that highlights something entirely exterior to these things.
Continuing on this thought, I really feel the piece (and your writing in general) is an appeal to the reader to try to discover what you truly care about. Poetically playing hard to get. The aforementioned line speaks to self-awareness of your detachment and therefore hints at the presence of true cares and desires. On a superficial level, art is pure portrayal and we are unable to separate the piece from the creator's artistic vision. Focus and perspective within a piece can relate much to the viewer about the artist, but there is so much that is implied or inferred. However, as in literature and as in the context of this site, we may become familiar with artists and their canon and begin to discern between what the project and what they are at their core
Anyways, moving forward.
The roll of film wasted/ oil drill placement was a fantastic couplet. I agree with Dead Man's interpretation
"I regret your intention" is a great quotable.
Quote:
stared into space. untie your fingers with mine under sheets
lower our voices. silence is the most powerful scream
poignant as the cotton ripples forming through comforter spread
where dozens of sins lie underneath ruptures of thread
droplets of wine cover cream satiny fiber
cabernet fire. carmine cobblestone twine
sit at the logged inferno. untucked collared shirt in regression
how much warmth we made over embers we directed
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My favorite section. Like a nice scotch, it is so easy to drink in eloquent wording but few appreciate the base notes and highlights as they sift through their teeth. Not the most complicated, most original, or the most loudly unique section-- but the imagery and tone mesh perfectly and the writing is simple but carefully wrought
Unsure of the significance of the "debonair devil"//"devilish debonair" inversion, if any, unless it's reinforcing the devil/ demon motif
I think my only complaint is that it seemed like a conclusion wasn't fully realized or that you lost steam in the final stretch.
Really good