Asy – I liked this, the first part had great imagery, really dope. I got over the lack of multies/ matching pretty quickly, I was engrossed in the story. The ending lines/ scene wraps up the piece nicely, survival is victory in ‘nature’ terms, good analogy. I enjoyed reading. Good work!
NYC – yeh I agree wit Art, in a few aspects your piece does override asylum, I was starting to enjoy it, then it ended. I understand its meant to be abrupt to make you realise how harrowing the next scene would be. That was a good idea but could’ve been dragged out further. Idea sounds quite similar to Trojan horse story tbf.
This could go either way, I really liked reading both. Both verses have their flaws but the story-telling aspect overrides them all. It all comes down to the endings imo, I feel more satisfied by Asylum’s ending, his take on the topic just stood out more. After deliberation I give it him
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