2tripple0
Dude, I just didn't get it. You start off talking in the first person, then you suddenly switch to third? is Tommy the guy in the club at the beginning? it just seems so loose, the plot doesn't develop at all really, it just jumps from spot to spot. Also, I like that you try using a lot of metaphors, similes, and other literary devices. But you've got to try and be a little more outside the box with them. The way you use them is fairly simple by today's standards, it reminds me of late 80s early 90s hiphop in some ways... overall, i like that you're still doing it, i just want to see you keep improving.
Mr. J
Dope piece here. I dug it. The narrative wasn't rushed, it moved nicely. Flow was on point, nothing outstanding but it was fluid and easy to read. Concept wise I really like what you did, and the incorporation of all the rabbit references didn't feel forced at all and I enjoyed every one of them. This is a type of piece I fucks with. Really enjoyed the read.
v/ Mr. J
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