Artifice: They were some cool lines here, the chieftain line for instance. I mean it is obvious you didn't fully sketch out a whole verse. From what I've read from you previously, you usually go longer and you have this particular way of phrasing things that was missing here. Nevertheless, I still it is an okay showing, nothing mind blowing, but it entertained me.
Timeless: I like the alliteration, it was really short though. Its a good thing you showed though, but it was so short that it's hard to take the piece serious. I also don't see how nerves could muffled and slumped, seems like a poor image.
I have to go with Artifice here. Even though it wasn't as close-knit as I'm used to when reading Artifice's work it still overtook Timeless here.
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