Father / matter rhyme threw me off, from the jump.
And not being able to prevent what happened.
This scenario is truly what death imagines.
Yes, pursuing it won't address her absence
I really liked the flow on that. Smooth as fuckk if you ask me. Then you go & change the rhyme scheme up, eek.
I harbor becoming my ultimate prophylactic medicine.
I think to myself why I carry these enigmatic sentiments
Why don’t I just reveal my traumatic manic testament?
Introverted selfishness keeps my dark dramatic actions reticent.
That's the Buddha I'm familiar with, back with the Canibus rap.
Laughter / daughter? Doesn't rhyme to me.
I wonder, do you write these verses how you speak or do you enjoy using words that aren't very typically used?
Anthropomorphizing, that word alone is almost half of the syllable count for that whole bar. I mean, don't get me wrong, I also, for some reason, know a lot of words that I don't ever really use, but I know them. I just feel like those kind of words don't have a place in rap verses, but.. these aren't just rap verses I guess, them being labeled 'topicals' makes it okay, I suppose.
Sesquipedalian, is how I would define it. I forgot where I learned that word but, it fits you perfectly. Anyways, I'm getting off topic. You ended the verse very strongly.
As I said this she saw a twinkle in my eyes.
And in hers, I saw the ripple of something simple and divine.
As if it was the last time I’ll see her, I hugged her tightly
Never again will I take love so lightly.
I enjoyed the imagery of a ripple in her eye.
Overall, solid verse. It's my usual critique towards your verses, Mr. Canibus, but nonetheless, an enjoyable verse.
Jesodist.. Something is off about the way you used prime time.. I dunno, kinda feels a little forced. Anyways, so far so good though. Right cool? Extremely forced. Foorrrccceeeedddd. In Spanish, forzado, pinche racista.
Anyways, no real complaints on the rest of the story. It was actually pretty good if I'm comparing this to other verses I've read from you. And, I know you think we're all racists, but it's not even that. The only complaints I do have about the verse, you really can't fix until you become better with English grammar. I really do appreciate how English isn't your native language and you still manage to write pretty decent stuff, but in a battle, the voters should always vote for what verse they thought was better. I liked how this verse wasn't so dark / gory, and the story telling was okay.. one of your better verses if you ask me.
With all that being said, I'm going to have to go with Buddha. He had some parts in his verse that I really liked, although he had some parts I didn't like, the parts I enjoyed outweighed Jesodist' verse in my eyes.
SORRY FOR THE RACISM THOUGH, lo siento.
vUnbornBuddha
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