[Adonis]

B - First thoughts, I dig the flow. It reminds me of some old hip-hop, gave me that vibe anyways. I like that "Low Down Dirty Shame" reference. In third stanza I feel like you went rogue with apostrophes. I don't what you were going for but you def chopped the flow because of it, I didn't like it. OK, so the direction you took, that stereotypical "save hip-hop/what it used to be" concept, it is what it is. We've all penned this at some point so that won't be overlooked in the originality swing vote. Not only that, but you began talking about rap now a days and quickly transitioned to dead in the streets which for me, took away that personal element you could have infused instead of a bit of fictional work. Solid reading in all, the commas messed some of own timing up, but I can't truly fault you for that.

A-D - "Throw" ... "Four Fists Fly Furious" *Thumbs Up*. You know, just before that alliteration I deleted a comment about, at times, you dumb down individual line make up to better build a story using simple, single syllable end rhymes, then you threw that at me though. "a possible way to win" sounded off in your context. Personal shit though I'm sure. I liked the finished concept though, the verse would have been better suited if you scraped the beginning and went "all-in" on the ring action playing up the "emotions" as tangible angle. Either way, solid verse that had it's hiccups for sure, but held it's on as far as flow, imagery and creativity.


v/Adverse

Better concept and execution IMO