Master Li had to flee in the path of trees Screaming, "You bastards believe you can capture me!?" He laughs,it seems in these woods he could at least be in peace Until he slips and trips and snags his knee and scares a lady Who's there with a baby that's wrapped in sheets, She tries to crawl back and leave but her body's tapped, she's weak, So she closed her eyes and went into everlastin sleep...
I can't copy and paste exactly how it was wrote due to me being on phone but i dug the above mentioned part.
I wouldn't say this had 0 hiccups because i think 9 times out of ten theres always a slightly fluid way of wording things. All that said it was still quality writing. You got talent.
I do agree you could have elaborated on some things a bit more because it felt as if you rushed to the end. Whats there is good though..mechanically sound
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