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Old 05-05-2016, 10:41 PM   #8
Adverse
low tide in serotonin bay
 
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,752
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Time - I liked the direction you were going with your piece, It caught my attention and you do a great job with descriptiveness and imagery, but this one felt a little lackluster compared to your usual, I don't know if you took Fice too lightly or what but this just didn't seem like it commanded you full effort and thought. Your bars are strung together beautifully though,

Fice - Nice piece, I liked the imagery and the depth here, felt like a more complete piece than Timeless's. I liked your topic because I think we've all been there where you'd rather sleep than have to deal with the real world, you put me in the shoes of the old man in your story and I really like when a writer can do that, well done.

Vote/Fice, a better story altogether with more depth and just a better put together piece in general.
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