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Old 05-05-2016, 09:53 AM   #9
Witty
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,978
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Breathless - I enjoyed this very much, it had a very relaxed tone to it, and there's an interesting contrast between feeling fed up one moment, and motivated and optimistic the next. Knowing that life is unfair, and it sucks...but still knowing the importance of pressing on and make of it what you can. I thought you wrote to the topic very well. Rhymes were simple but effective, good job.

Frank - this was cool, pretty much the patented Frank style, tried and tested. You tell stories very well and I've always felt you are one of the best at using dialogue in a piece, which is difficult because it can come off as forced and corny, but you do it well. While this piece had a solid storyline, it didn't do much for me, it didn't draw me in or evoke emotion. I wish you'd be more inventive with your rhyming. This was cool as always, just lacking that spark to draw me in.

Vote - Breathless
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