cool matchup here... two very different styles.
Breathless
This piece is quite different from your other pieces I've read, in that it's much more poetic. You've got some cool structures in there that you don't see used too often, and you executed them well.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by breathless
Thirty one years old, truth be told,
I've been livin in this role since my youth was over.
Now I've grew up, I'm older, but I'm losin the hold
on reality I had when I lived lucid, sober. |
That right there was a great opening to me, it immediately set the tone and cadence for the piece and had me vibing with an instrumental playing in the background. Unconventional, but cool. I enjoyed it. My only real gripe is that I felt it didn't strongly connect to the topic.
Frank
This was an enjoyable read. You really know how to describe moments in your stories to help the reader visualize what's happening. Also, your ability to rhyme in such a casual and natural pattern of speech allows you to pull off holding the same syllable better than many. There were still a few lines that felt like the word choices were forced by carrying the scheme, but when you carry it for a whole verse it's hard to avoid. Overall I really enjoyed this piece as well.
Alright, I've changed my mind twice, so I'm back to who I was originally voting for, Frank. This one's pretty much a toss-up to me though, I can see it going either way. Really hard to decide because of the style difference, their both really cool in their own rights. But...
v/ Frank