[Razah]

breathless, I liked your take on the topic. I felt some bars were a little too wordy for me, and made me dislike your verse a bit.

… dimensional spectrum unravel as I stand over the precipice in silence.
… methodical realignment of synaptic signals opens a path through an undiscovered eye's lens.
… testing the waters I lift a foot to find my feet are engulfed in a time rift ...

Diving through this abyss holding hands with a faceless elf speaking in speech bubbles.
Mathematical shapes correspond to syllables automatically translated as my ego crumbles.
Too many messages sent streaming together, I scream for my brethren but my teeth stumble.

I just can't fuck with shit like that. Too many syllables, wordy, blah blah blah. Can't do it, not my steelo. Besides that, it was still a good read. If it wasn't for that, you probably would've got my vote.


Mr J., this whole part Im'a quote, felt iffy. The rhyming was kind of off to me, and it didn't really relate to how you attacked the topic afterwards.

On the forgotten path of another rotten past.
the feeling of loss intact. we waft in the gas.
the intoxication causes us to seize thought...
our reaction caused catastrophes in each shot.
another dream lost in the twisted web we weave
reflect upon a darkened background as we set each scene.
confessions are sweet but what lies in the aftermath
one explosion follows another as the rafters crack.

Yeahh.. from having weird rhyme words, to changing the syllable count on the multi.. threw me off.

This on the other hand, was real slick. I liked this whole part.

the foundation scatters halves. as the lovers twirl.
her fingers hit each note carrying us to another world.
under pearl cries & between darkness, she waits...
the tension is great in each break, in between each arch
she slid her fingers across her only true sweetheart
the graves reign supreme & the pain will never seize.
with age brings beauty, death was saved a better seat.
the orange fell on redder leaves as her light dimmed.
a beaten up wheelchair rolls up to disrupt the silence.
her fingers lead your subconscious through a life story
with the proper elements her music can find glory...
find pain...find love & define it for me in mere tune
with each wave of her finger, the siren mirrored you.
captured your vanity & your failure to grasp such craft.
in the climax the old man had collapsed, they clapped.
they applauded what they felt, what they missed in life.
a feeling... she controlled them as time slowly drifted by...
our hero has moved on from this world, life is honor...
darkness follows as does the end of her Moonlight Sonata..
she bows....& leaves to an uproar, the chairs fell & glass broke
she returned for an encore with sunglasses on.....& whispered...




talk about leaving on a bad note...

Dope shit man. This was an easy battle for me to vote on.

vMr. J