Damn, this is a good showing from both.
MMLP
Thoroughly enjoyed the read. You build great imagery while maintaining a solid rhythm, and the story and plot flow just as smooth.
Quote:
Humans descend in the hierarchy, made to do as they say,
- the once-predators finally now doomed to be prey.
Now zoo’s have humans enslaved in the search for prominence
persecuted and caged in an ironic turn of consequence.
As a species asserts its dominance and their reign is sinking in
others lurk anonymously, just waiting in the wings.
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That part there really stood out to me. The content, flow, verbiage, all work together to really drive home the theme of the piece. Solid.
Adonis
I really dug your story. The way you took the topic and flipped it was really cool, and the development of AI was well executed. Flow was on point too.
Quote:
At first, they just cooked and cleaned
But soon created a carbon copy regime
Slowly replacing soul with gears - Adapting brain to chips
Forward motion veered to constraining and taming bliss
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That part stood out to me. Really nice, especially the second couplet.
I just think MMLP brought that little bit extra that puts his over the top. Close call, and great reads from both, but...
v/ MMLP