Breathless...
Far out read. Very lucid. You went epic on a much smaller scale. I like how DMT drips down the screen. In a vacuum, you succeeded. You stretched your lines to the threshold, but the focus was on the accuracy of conveying yor thought exactly how you imagined it. Very Interesting, indeed.
Mr. J...
Nice, though it took you about 10 lines to get into your groove. In those 10 lines you failed to include a single musical metaphor. AKA (Filler) Once you find your verses pulse it is exquisite. I just can't advocate for the meaningless first 1/3 in the grand scheme of things, in a judgemental sense. The first 10 lines are not bad, they just serve no purpose. You missed your first 10 notes. Again, being constructive.
I reread each verse, and I am leaning towards the trippier rendition. Could go either way, really.
MVGT Breathless
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VETWORK
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