Quote:
Originally Posted by Sykonaut
...wrote this to my ex wife on the day that would've been our anniversary I was too emotional to really care about it structure wise.
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Yeah I suppose that puts in perspective Life vs. the order of a couple words and syllables. Sorry for who I am (sometimes).
But na, heavy emotion (even when it's a painful kind) can sometimes bring out some of the best writing, or a voice one never knew they had.
I think that's what I saw in those opening couplets- raw emotion phrased in an impactful way, which strangely appealed to a cold technical side of me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sykonaut
Leaning on a broken crutch tryna regain my composure
Believing if I open up I'll be paid by some closure
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Yeah I like dat better. Better than a way I could think of.
the my/by thing works better structurally.
And on the first line it seems more personalized, &the omission of the 'some' shows in a more forceful way that composure's lost.
Glad u were paid