Adverse
really enjoyed this piece. you definitely know how to tell a story, and you've been doing this for a while (you mentioned getting back into it). Your vocabulary is well used, you balance a good amount of descriptive language and plot narrative together, and the result is a really good read. If i'm being nitpicky
Quote:
The sun that was shining yesterday still hiding behind the curtains
Like it's unsure of the person I am today, scared of returning to the surface
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I think you could've made this rhyme a little better if had used 'riding' in place of 'returning' in the second line. I know that 'returning' rhymes with 'unsure' and 'person' from earlier in the line, but that inner will still work on it's own, and using 'rising' extends the rhyme at the end of the couplet. Just something to consider.
Breathless
I've seen what you can do, and you just weren't feelin' it this week. That's cool, we've all been there. For what it's worth, your verse literally made me lol at the end, funny shit.
v/ Adverse