Just Write
Damn. This was really well written. Great story all the way through. You covered all the bases of the relationship world, and wove them all nicely into the narrative you structured. If I'm gonna nitpick, i thought
Quote:
She'd console when I was sad, but she mostly made me happy
I can't remember a moment where she couldn't hold me and it happen..
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this couplets rhyme was a little off. The second verse of the piece was the standout to me content-wise. It's dense with the dedication the relationship was built upon. The third verse was cool too, though I found the brandy line didn't do much for me.
Overall it hits all the buttons... a solid write.
Timeless
Fuck. This was dope. I love this kind of piece. Telling a story not in a straight narrative, but as a build up of symbols, concepts, and playing with the language.
Quote:
Helter Skelter and love retract, redundant routes traveled.
City of dreams except waking up is among the town's battles.
Drawn out faces, so plain with disgrace and complacent.
Memory adjacent, racing time just to try and erase it.
Polka dot hairline embattled with a receding tide.
Covering the echos of failure inside his depleted mind.
Sky's been reached, high times in defeat, he's bleeding wine.
Drunk off newspaper articles, fine print leaves repeated crime.
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Fire.
Quote:
Narrow escape routes wearing him thin, tearing his skin.
Shawshank with a bullet, all pulled through an embarrassing grin.
Even Paris has twins, metropolis set with sufficient borders.
Admission forces the poor into a remissive torture.
So slip your quarters into the slot, maybe a new life will drop.
Second chances with every heartbeat until this crude cycle stops.
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You finish the piece off really well. Solid from start to finish.
Really dope battle here... you both came with the heat, but I'm giving it to Timeless here... both solid drops, but (and this may come down to preference/taste) i preferred his verse more. Can see this one going either way though, great work gents.
v/Timeless