[Pharaohs Army]

V/JESODIST

Innovator
few months ago I saw a poem of yours about a jazz hall in the 1920's and was thoroughly wowed...
Not the case here;
I mean... this is okay... I'm not looking for okay..
Thought it ended rather weak; the last 3 lines read kind of like a hallmark card.
Hope is never concrete, but you need to sprinkle in some concrete, unless you're dropping abstract in a more poignant fashion.

JESODIST
Interesting take how you've tied this topic, sort of reflecting on an older "rhyme-monster" and his escapades, some of it in past tense.

I will advise you to be careful though; make sure you don't over-do the 'i'm great at composing rhymes' act...(i speak from experience).
When you work a topic and flesh it out beyond the I/Me point of view-- that is when you can do something special.

Some cool rhymes&phrases here, as I've come to expect. Certainly not your best shit though. But good verse and I think it won.

Regarding grammar&spelling, I am of the opinion that some of it you do intentionally for audio purposes, and some are just actual errors...
(i.m.o. u Can keep the former; improve on the latter)

Wearing a crown decorated with Glyding Orbs,
There is no telling the amount of Damage he Done,
Mentally Realighning Worlds,

I know you're rhyming that 3rd line with the 1st.
Do others know?
Is there a way to Make them know?

Should you keep it on the 2nd line, after a comma?

Wearing a crown decorated with Glyding Orbs,
There is no telling the amount of Damage he Done, mentally Realighning Worlds,

I'm not making you do anything.
I'm asking rhetorical questions to make u think.