[Adonis]

VatorTime - I like what you did with the concept overall. But in general, this piece isn't all that great. Allow me to explain. For starters, opening stanza, you had 12 bars I believe, and in 5 of those lines you had typos. Not glaring or life ending typos, but it's clear you posted with out proof reading, yet here I am, having to proof read as I go in order to make sense of it all. Anyways, second stanza was far better on that front. You kept decent rhythm, but even I can see the lack of rhymes and cadence. I don't think it is necessary to rhyme, in fact, I loved your closer, which didn't rhyme. You went heavy slant rhyme, which is fine and dandy when done right. The issue with that is, when you only go slant rhyme and no traditional, it sort of elimanets the good in slant rhyme. What I mean is, there is nothing to differentiate the two, so the good on either spectrum can't be in the fore front, if that makes sense. Hope it does. What I did like about this verse is your knack for crafting a simple concept into something a bit more grand. Your wording was on point as well as "thought at play", which is the ample amount of water references and concepts that shined. All in all, I enjoyed this verse quite a bit, but I can see why many may not. You're just a bit rusty is all, I do hope you chill with the kid, I want to battle you.


Dizz - I liked what you did in the end, but felt you could have chopped this down a bit. This verse vastly easier on the eyes as far as grammar and such. I appreciated the darkness you provided along with your choice in patterning rhymes. Every few bar or so you went three rhymes in a line, not a bar, a line. I enjoyed this even if they didn't all hit the mark clean because they hit none the less. You wrote two verses in my mind. One where you explained why hip-hop is dead, the other, you showcasing you can win with just flow; you can overcome a concept verse while not just dropping a concept verse, but focusing your talents on the rhyme patterns. I enjoyed this verse greatly, but mostly the vivid and dark imagery you gifted me.



v/ Jesodist

His verse had more meat for my brains consumption.