Both of you did your things first of all.
I liked breathless's verbiage and his multis, he flowed non-stop throughout his verse and kept my attention, the rhymes just kept coming and connecting together pretty flawlessly, though you didn't paint a perfectly clear picture of the topic, you did provide an entertaining read.
Zee, I liked the stage you set your story on, and how your portrayed your characters, I don't know if I really liked all the description in the sex scenes, it wasn't bad writing or anything, it just didn't seem like that should be the main focus of this topic, With that being said, I liked your story, the ending was a little bland for me, I would have preferred a murder mystery but maybe that's just too easy of an approach haha good verse.
Shiiiit, the final choice is a tough one. Like Mr. J said, I liked your story Zee, I really did I just feel like it should have had more variation and more plot points. Though breathless didn't paint the clearest of pictures, I thought his story had overall description and many different points, neither of you did bad though, Zee my only advice would be to thoroughly distribute your descriptions throughout the verse and not to focus on only one scene, keep pushing guys
Vote - breathless
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