Sym, I liked your concept and all but it just feels rushed. I'd like to see how it would have developed if you sat, thought about it, and gave it some room to grow, just from that small taste I can tell that you're a good writer, hopefully next week is kinder to your schedule and we get to read something a little bit longer!
JW, really liked the story, man. I found common ground with your main character, Tommy as I think a lot of younger people these days would. And with relating to the concept I was better equipped to insert myself right into your story, it was great. I really liked how your bars connected and your narrative skills, great job over all.
Vote-Just Write, for obvious reasons.
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