[Mr. J]

breathless, I see what you are getting at with the start of the piece
I think the scheme style will be frowned upon (Its something most dont want to see)
which is odd to me. (more on that later) but you kept my attention
your rhyming comes rapid & it makes me enjoy the pieces smooth progression
it seems like you were truly inspired to bring a more original approach
you just let yourself write whatever came to mind & let yourself go...
its quite amazing what you came up with but it does seem like a bulky piece
there are certain points where I think a little editing could have helped the technique
after all you did have a few days to reflect on this for a bit...
but I admire what you brought to the table & I support this shit.

Zee, this is my first time reading you since youve started
& to tell you the truth this was an interesting story of the brokenhearted
my only issue is the time lapse between the man & mistress
I understand the whole idea but it felt rushed after he was being intimate
you focus more on the sexual tryst thats going on & the actions
which Im sure most of these writers would enjoy due to their lonely asses
but I cant tell whether I like this or hate it...maybe its the latter
the descriptive scenery & the build up to the end allows a moment for laughter
but a majority of it could have been cut & could have focused on the infidelity
either way I thought you build up 2 characters nicely & that welcomes a W definitely

v/this may be the tougher choices for me this evening
zee came with an interesting story for his first time competing*
breathless came with more of a freestyled verse this week
he brought a lot of truth while Zee set up a scene perfectly.
anyone can get caught up in a scene that Zee brought to the table
which makes it interesting & more than likely...more relate-able
where breathless lacked Zee picked it up and brought a compelling story
where Zee focused on one thing, breathless picked up on more for me...
I think Im going to go with breathless due to his ability to provide more
I liked both verses & Zee brought a story most of you would die for...
but I feel like breathless brought a complete package in a stream of consciousness
word up to the hip hop hippopotamus