I thought this was pretty dope. Don't know why it hasn't gotten any feed yet, but it was solid from start to finish. The flow was smooth throughout, I had some instrumentals playing and it read nice to a beat.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. J
at this elevation with the amount of dust we were slated...
to be dead.. therefore we were treated unjustly & hated.
But we made it. Our eyes tortured by the morning sun
blessing ourselves & dirtying the spout the waters pouring from
when you think your time is up theres more to come.
Seniority breeds despair as they push aside the sorest ones
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That part right there stood out to me. Everything about it worked. Flow, vocab, imagery, conceptual content. I also like how you thread several notions together: segregation, the elderly, disparity in generational work ethic...
The only criticism I would give is the use of 'tion' rhymes for the first three lines of the verse. They've been so done to death that they almost always come across as bland to me. Other than that, I have nothing but things I like about it.
Thanks for the read.