[Adonis]

Jdub, you did really, really good with that opening stanza, the journal entry portion. Not only is it a clever angle to start a verse, giving you context right off the bat, but you wrote it in natural conversation if you will, but in rhyme form. And I believe that is the biggest compliment one can receive. *"used to"*. This was a fantastic read on many many levels. As I said, the cadence you were able to conjure while keeping a predominately natural conversation or "journal entry", was most impressive. In the fourth entry, I could hear my brain yelling, "I hope he doesn't bring in poachers and ruin the read", but you did not. You have no idea how appreciative I am for that though. What else? You had a lot of detail in the beginning, before the and after the permit was obtained. This detail gave me stock in this species, so before shit went down I legit could feel some emotion, which is mad hard to do. This is a top notch verse though, best I have read in this young season, though I have read like 8 total, but it is a top verse from the last season I modded as well, start to end.


Jay - First off, overkoalafied killed me bro. Two thumbs way up. This news article like format is a valiant effort in trying to overcome Writes format. I have been very vocal about my dislike of the "run-on, rhyme scheme" structure. Where you have an end rhyme mid sentence, I think it's simplistic in essence, so there's that. The read was a good one though, and of all the verses I read this week, so far, your verse would win one on one... Except one.



V/ Just Write

His verse was top flight, no contest