Jesodist:
Off the jump, the 6 syllable multi into a 5 syllable multi threw the flow off for me. I’ve noticed you always throw in some idea of religion / magic / other world-ly stuff… sometimes it fits, sometimes it doesn’t. I feel like this time around it didn’t. I can bare the capitalized multi’s or whatnot, but when it’s not a multi it throws me off. It makes me go back to find the flow, and in return makes me realize that little mistake.
Quote:
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Feelings of death and Deep euphoria Clouded the Scenery,
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I liked that line, it provided nice imagery and the contrasting feelings was a nice touch.
Quote:
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Waves of fire resembled the Enterance of a Dragons Nest,
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Overall, a good piece. This is probably one of the most enjoyable verses that I’ve read from you. Sometimes it’s hit or miss with me, this time, I enjoyed it. Also, besides some grammar choices, spelling, etc.. this was cool. I wonder how you write though. I remember reading that you spoke a different language and English is not your first language so I’m curious if you write off the English you know, or if you have certain parts translated.. hmm
VividlyVague:
Nice story. The wording was pretty smooth & although nothing stood out to me that much the overall piece was really solid. I think I enjoyed the story the most, probably because I don’t write like that too often and appreciate it, but yeah- I liked the verse.
To me, this can go either way. There were lines that stood out to me in Jesodist’ verse, and Vivid just had a good story written well. I think Im’a have to vote for Vivid because there was too many wording choices in Jesodist’ verse that made me cringe, while Vivid had a good story & the writing of it was to my liking.
vVividlyVague