good reads from both....
JESODIST
You've got a great vocabulary and you really know how to use descriptive language. You paint a picture with your words very well. However, I felt the flow of this piece wasn't solid. That's not to say it wasn't good overall, but there were spots where the rhymes were quite slanted and it took away from the smoothness of the read. I think with your large vocabulary, if you take time to work on your schemes and flow, you'd be serious writer to reckon with.
VividlyVague
You know how to tell a story. From beginning to end I didn't lose interest, and the pacing was just right. Your language isn't as descriptive as Jesodist's, but not everyone needs to use really descriptive language. I think your word choices are well suited to the story you're telling. I think yours is a more solid piece of writing overall.
v/ VividlyVague
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