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Old 03-29-2016, 12:18 PM   #8
Artifice
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Adonis & Zee...

didn't quite see the connection the first read through, but after a second reading, i think i get it. The second verse is Mark's punishment for his 'attempt' during the first verse. The silver lining is the 'eye for an eye' of being tortured by death for his sins. Really dug this.

first verse had some cool lines that helped provide some substance to the outcast nature of the character(comic and ant lines), second verse had some really nice imagery built into it. i enjoyed the flow of the first verse better, but content-wise i think they transitioned nicely, although I didn't put it all together on the first read through...

Overall, a really fun read.

GodComplex & Buddha

I thought that your two verses went together seamlessly into a single piece, so congrats on that off the bat. Flow wise it's pretty good, started out a little stronger than it finished imo but stayed pretty consistent thoughout. My biggest problem was that conceptually it didn't really grow for me, it didn't really move much anywhere. By slightly past the middle I wasn't as grabbed as I was in the beginning, and while the ending was okay, it didn't do enough to bring me back.

A fun read, but didn't have quite enough to take it in this one, imho.

v/ Adonis & Zee
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