ZeeDonis, I thought the story line was quite impressive
you both created a character with his own perspective
after the first half I gotta be real, I was kind of confused
was it his subconscious in the end who was following through?
...after a second read I think Im starting to understand..
he was a representation of the loneliness in a man...
would that make the woman death? what an interesting piece
the blending of 2 styles makes the presentation...neat
confusing at first but I think upon a second read Im catching on
the development of the character is what threw me off...
plus the ambiguity & tone is quite impressive fellas
a perfect amount of work without being too overzealous...
Buddha, I enjoyed your verse due to your grasp on your rhyming
I think these different topics help with the styles you are trying
of course you still retain your normal style which is mostly religious
this time around you stepped out of that boundary & I saw the difference
you are growing as a writer. this topic suited you because your approach is clean
about halfway through though I felt that you went off subject nahmean?
I dont understand the use of your girlfriend as well as Cred & deadman
perhaps it was just a shout out to your city & lay your head...annnnnd...
well I didnt really understand the need for that because you were doing good
otherwise you played with the topic nicely & did what you could....
nice work...
v/ZeeDonis, I think their blending of styles paid off in the end
Buddha I enjoyed your verse & you did your best my friend....
but the topic above you came with a more vivid approach than you
about halfway through Buddhas verse it felt less than eventful
but he did his topic justice by coming through with a smooth scheme
ZeeDonis just had a cool concept & they did enough to seduce me
on a 3rd read the story started to make more sense & seemed fun
the character development was cool & the ending was clean cut...
nice battle fellas
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.....laugh....and the world laughs with you
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