[Adonis]

Breath, I enjoyed the plot very much, but for some strange reason still walked away feeling you could have done more. This is strange because you wrote a complete story, one where a girl is beat by her man, then chased and she murders him. You tied the topic in metaphorically given the girl floats away, this is smart, but my biggest gripe is you should have developed and explored that concept way more in the grand scheme of things. Decent read though regardless, I enjoyed.

Law - "change" didn't need quotations, and you should have developed the concept of sipping bourbon and whiskey correlating to a dry bank account. I also was not fond of, or maybe I missed something, the fact that you never really delved into the reasoning of why he became homeless instead of slightly saying he had a strange hypothesis and people looked down on him for it, then BANG! His failure was success. Solid verse in all, but I think you missed out on a few things that deserved to be developed in order to elevate this verse.


V/ breathless

Better execution of concept