Just write: Most times when writers here try to cohesively weave an entire topic from multiple images it comes off as strained and unnecessary. But, you pulled it off and managed to write a cohesive narrative, accounting a soldier's life essentially. My favorite stanza was when he was leaving and saying a goodbye to his sweetheart. Military life is complicated, in many senses, it puts a strain onto a soldier's physical relationships, as well as forsaking the brink of his sanity in exchange for timeless and patriotic treasures such as valor and whatnot. You captured this, and managed to display the sacrifice involved. Some things you can work on is your rhymes diverge from more coplex to simple. I saw you recently stated content matters to you more than the lyrical and technical aspect of this art. I personally think that's okay, but a combination of advanced rhyming without forgoing the content is possible. I think it will strengthen the imprint your writing has, and perhaps create a bigger impact. The wood coffin line was my favorite.
Vividly: I enjoyed the topic you chose, the days of child labor. Wasn't that long ago, either, a century or so, it's a little scary. But, I guess it teaches work ethic early, huh? I think you had some strong phrasing but the blunders was that it didn't really have much flow to it, needed more internals. Anyhow, that might be a minute point since content was your highlight. I personally don't think you rushed it, there were lines that were more impact than your opponents. However, as a whole you didn't push as much him, you stopped a little short before you got to see the finish line. And not because of its length but more so the developmental attributes that didn't unravel, so as to take us onto the emphatic journey we were all waiting for.
Vote: Just write
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