This was a great battle!
Artifice, welcome to the club man, glad to have you..
I really enjoyed this piece and the way you incorporated all the little horse references i.e. "spur of the moment, horse of a different color, jockey for position" and so on, some clever little twists here and there as well, however I didn't like the "flame'll crackle" line or the bucket list line, I felt they were out of place in this piece and we're there solely for rhyme purposes, had you reworded them a bit I think this would have been a flawless piece, and against someone like asylum that's what you need. Thanks for the read.
Asylum,
First off 2triple0 marine corps is pronounced marine core which rhymes great with she seen war so it actually did rhyme. *Semper fi*
Yay!, I loved this so much man, just great description and placed me right on the battle ground with her as she was running across the field with bullets wizzing by her, it's a real scary feeling and I feel you captures that pretty great. And the closing line was very powerful and made me say "damn" which I love when I get that feeling when I read something, if you wrote more clear like this in a narrative view I think you would be just unstoppable, your word choice was great. Bravo
So this is actually a very hard battle to vote on as well, we have had some great battles this week and I feel the competition is at a pretty high level right now which is great to see. I love how any 1 person can win on any given week, this week comes down to personal preference on 2 great pieces, but I think asylum just came strong this week and edged out the victory here.. great battle fellas
Mvgt=asylum
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