The Law – I’m definitely growing fond of your work but some of your strange word choices threw me off. Like, “made his coziness turn splintery,” for example.. felt forced. Those couple lines after were golden tho, you go back and forth a lot here. I have no idea what your ending meant. I guess this is a picture of an artist? Not really sure. You definitely have a knack for mechanics, and your ability to rhyme is impressive, but I would advise you to really try to incorporate vivid imagery your audience might be familiar with, or connect them in some way to your character. I think it would have made a huge difference.
Breathless – I almost wrote to this picture this week and I’m glad I didn’t because you probably did it better here than I would have. But I got the same feeling from it you portrayed. You nailed exactly where I wanted to go. That being said, you truly could have done more. I do realize you wrote to different pieces this week and I applaud your willingness to do so, however that’s not going to have an effect on my vote. You wrote a very emotional piece and did an excellent job but imho you could have done more with it and I too am not so fond of chorus in topical writing.
Mvgt the law this week because his piece was more polished. What he lacked in emotion, he made up for with substance. His story was more complete. But this was close for me, because had Breathless developed his piece more he would have an absolute masterpiece and if you were revise this and post it in the open mic brother, tag me.
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