MVGT Just Write – Usually when someone picks multiple pictures, it doesn’t work out so well. It creates an interesting dynamic where no matter how dope your verse is, I want to pick it apart more and be like, where’s that picture go to? Kind of interfered with my read. But in all reality, this was a great piece. I really enjoyed your approach, the story flowed very smoothly and everything came together nicely in the end. I 100% support your closing statement. absolutely. Great job this week confronting important social issues with our artform. I appreciate that. Your first and second stanzas were absolutely impeccable, but I think your third’s mechanics weren’t AS good as the first two. Still, you were winding to a close. All in all this is a great piece and I definitely enjoyed it. Great job. My favorite lines..
Must have been by chance that he had lasted this long..
(Been through it all, prison camps, shrapnel and bombs)
don't get me wrong, his life became exceptionally hard to manage
All of these things he been through led to him being mentally damaged.
This flowed exceptionally well and I liked how your assonance was a little off at the end.. closed the stanza off with an edgy feel.
Vividlyvague – I enjoyed your approach but your syllable counts were all over the place and the rhymes were a little off. This was obviously a rushed piece but you did manage to hit your topic very well. You make some great points about how the poor were taken advantage of before human rights laws were enacted. I did enjoy the piece tho, don’t get me wrong. It’s dope. Favorite bar..
"There's no peace without war." Now there's no meat to feed our poor.
I get meager wages, succotash to savor in that lunch pale on the mine floor.
This was great.. had your entire piece been up to the quality of those lines, this battle would have been much closer imo.
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