[Mr. J]

Just Write, my first gripe is that you didn't put the picture to the scene
but the fact that you chose the route you did makes this slicker than it seems
I didnt enjoy the first verse due to the random rants of *hip hip hooray*
because instilled in the back of my mind is NBN & a song my discman would play...
so my imagining of the scene is ruined by the chants of ayyyy ohhhhh
but as I continue on throughout your piece you build up a proper scenario
I wouldnt have said *wild dangerous* just dangerous & child laborers
it works to the same effect without adding more to a nice line...laborers...
I put emphasis on that because I couldnt think of another word to rhyme it with
when I reached (our lives are OUR LIVES) that sounded like some timeless shit
you could put that on a billboard sign & everyone would be like whaaaat...
nice work either way....


Vividly, I am on the fence about your performance this week
perhaps you are trying to cut down on how much you been writing in the league?
regardless your story is on point for the topic you chose
you feel unbalanced about whose side you were on as the story unfolds
I felt you embody the child at first but your word choice didnt reflect the stage
your narrative is usually more clean cut & it seemed like you stressed today
its unnatural to see you go from poor/floor to retribution/revolution
I liked the bits & pieces that shed light on the new worlds evolution...
& the social commentary added at the end echoes in ambiguity
if you put more effort into this verse I think you would have swiped the victory..


v/Just Write, I felt J dub brought more flare & more desire to win.
he took it upon himself to write 3 dialogues to show a mans fire within
although I will admit he had more mistakes then his opponent
but the consistency in his flow was just enough to take the whole *win*
Vivid wrote a nice piece but he shot himself in the foot with his rhyming
his story had potential but I dont know if he was stressed by the deadline & just started writing...
whatever the reason may be the piece went up & down like a roller coaster
if he stayed with a consistent scheme this battle would have been a little closer...
alas I feel that jehovahs witness brought the bigger slice of the pie to feed my appetite
nice work fellas...have a good night