[Mr. J]

The Law, I enjoyed your take on the topic & it was a route I would have took
your overabundance of rhyme holds back the story & how good it looks...
My issue with the piece is how quick you were to build up on the mans alcoholism
it would have been better to build his background & then add the *fallen* vision..
the direct approach helps your piece but from the start the story is obvious
perhaps its why its titled (A World Of Irony) because from the start it probably is
you held my attention until you switched up the scheme & implemented misery
you started to feel winded & every other line felt like a forced miss to me...
its no doubt you can rhyme...& the first half seemed to showcase that strength
If you kept that same edge in the second half the pace would have been great!
regardless I dug where you took this & enjoyed the read...

Breathless, I really love the poetic approach you brought to the battle
I almost wrote to this pic & our stories would have had some foreshadow
you did just enough for the beginning & end to blend quite well together
the story progressed nicely & with your style it didn't need to go on forever
you add the perfect amount of visual & keep it simplistic yet ambiguous at first
there is a certain beauty you wrapped up between the visions of the worst..
my only issue is the mans gone/stand on approach you took in the beginning
but you saved yourself with enough foundation between the middle & ending
your style is really smooth & made the read feel quick...yet memorable...
nice work...


v/Breathless, I had a chance to read The Laws piece 3 days prior...
I enjoyed the idea at first but after letting it sink in..another taste was acquired
I had seen breathless dropped another piece that caused an uproar
but to come back a couple days later with another piece basically as a *fuck yall*
this is all preference for me, some people may enjoy the laws interpretation
I just felt he lacked the soul that breathless brought, but both deserve the ovation...
nice work brehs