Quote:
A natural born Einstein, always working on the consciousness
But every theory dropped put a dent into his confidence
It was ominous to every document that stated his hypothesis
The consequence? A collision that sunk him to the bottom pits
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such a solid opener, really liked this man
i did not like the rhyme end -tion going through the middle as i feel its lazy and just blah in general when it comes to text, also splintery? lol really? i know its a word but eww. just stuck out to me, besides those VERY MINOR complaints i actually quite enjoyed this verse, ive read it a couple times since you've posted it, bravo. isnt that just how it is though? we do all the work and who profits? our kids, the future.. it definitely is an ironic world indeed. nice verse.
Quote:
It was the last time she allowed it to happen,
kept her head above water while she drowned in the passion.
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^silky smooth right there and also my favorite part of your verse, so i actually really enjoyed where you went with this, i just wish you would have expanded more on who shot him (obviously it was her... or was it?) regardless i think you could have worded the gun line different, but thats just me being picky, the only real problem i found in your verse was the fact i think it was too short (or at least i wished it was longer) and i really hate when people add the churus style to there verse, i think its a lazy way to reach the lime limit most of the time, not saying it was here.. i just PERSONALLY dont like that.
so this was actually a great battle that very easily can go either way, potential botw material, so im just going to go with who's i enjoyed more because they were both great but i feel i was more satisfied with you piece breathless, thats why this week you get my vote... great battle guys, srs.
mvgt= breathless