your structure is wildin man. flippin n jammin and scadoo-bobbin all over the dayum place
I love it
The story was a bit underdeveloped, but very action packed and constantly moving along non-stop, so I didnt mind very much. This is pretty much the route I wouldve taken with a topic such as this. There was some intense imagery in here, for instance:
Quote:
Master Li had to flee in the path of trees
Screaming, "You bastards believe you can capture me!?"
He laughs, it seems in these woods he could at least be in peace
Until he slips and trips and snags his knee and scares a lady
Who's there with a baby that's wrapped in sheets,
She tries to crawl back and leave but her body's tapped, she's weak,
|
I saw all that shit in my head like a muthafuckin movie. Very nice indeed mmmhhmm. I definitely preferred the first half to the second (the story almost felt forced when the POV changed, I duno, just wasnt as seamless of a transition as it shouldve been) but the piece was still dope overall.