Timeless - favorite lines..
If the earth drained you'd be bleeding with it, hoping for a better tomorrow.
Teaching the physics of how our success is usually measured in sorrow.
That was dope! I really enjoyed your last stanza as well. I’m pretty sure you decided to take a straight topical approach with the phrase and go with it’s feeling, and you did a great job. If this was an actual story it went over my head. Your scheme was drawn out but I liked how it flowed. Nice piece, fun read. You’re starting strong this season and that makes me happy. Keep it up!
Maximus – first time reading anything by you, definitely impressed. Favorite lines..
Situations aint always as bad as they seem to be
There are blessings in disguise in states of extremities
Very nice lines. I think you could have reworded that , are disguised by states of extremities and it would have flowed better but to each his own. Also, the E sound in extremities is not like the E sound in seem. So that was technically off. Moving forward.. I laughed a little bit here..
and when it gets gory never squirm like horny vixens,
I’m not sure anybody has every rhymed conviction with horny vixens. I liked it, just for that reason. That finishing line, “do exploits and grow..” that needed rewording man. Very careful with your finishing lines. I think you have a lot of potential but you probably need to revise your work a little before dropping. Looking forward to your continued participation!
MVGT timeless for the more polished, enjoyable piece. Nice show!
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