The technical execution of this was lacking quite a bit. It wasn't that it "didn't rhyme" or "had no flow" or any of the rubbish you might think I'd say. No, on the contrary it had rhymes and flow but the scheme was pretty basic and if this were an audio piece done too a beat I might over look that but this isn't. We're on a site with a bunch of eye's scrolling over our word's so I think a bit of scheme intensive work is a must. You'll probably disagree and ten other people will probably jump on the "hey don't fuck with pinot" wagon but hey it is what it is and I don't care. Write better next time.
P.S. the concept was good.
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