[Adonis]

Franker - This was a cool read through and through, though I didn't like the mid section where you said wife was in door way yet looking through a window at the same time. That through me off, and yet you could easily have meant the screen door as a window, but that is not what you said or not how I took it. I loved the detail though, you've been on that kick for a bit now. I thought you explained the meaning behind the verse well enough, but in all honesty. There was nothing really that blew me away, or left me wanting more. After my vote, this verse will be a mere after thought, though it was sound read.


Psy - Not sure if I fully grasp the meaning, but from what i gather, you wrote about a guy, a farmer, who tends his lands very closely. On that same land there was once death, and in the future there will be again, from war I guess. Nice concept, but the opening half, where you went as so simple to write about a chick eating, you should have stayed true to that. The beginning was far and away my favorite section of either verse, but I feel like adding war talk simply muddled the waters for you. The opening poetical direction was lovely my friend, there after was a bit rough to follow and interpret but not horrible writing. Also, meat is like beef and shit, just saying.



So, this is a tough vote because both verses are good, but each had moments I did not like in all honesty. I do feel like I'm missing something from Asylums which, if true, only hurts the vote. In the end, I liked the less shock value of Franks verse over a concept that switched mid-way through of asylum. I liked the simplicity of just writing about a farmer, with no twist or nothing. Just a simple verse about a man that if read close enough is parable like in teaching us patience and love.


v/ Frank

Very close