[Adonis]

Jes - in the beginning you went with the simple "ism" rhyme scheme, though you executed it nicely, comes off as a tad remedial is all. I'm also not a fan of God or sinner and heaven pieces, so the overall message was a miss for me. Thought it was decent writing all in all,you got your intended message across clear with little by way of error or misstep. Solid read considering it is not my cup of tea per say

Razah - enjoyable flow. While I enjoyed the recurring theme of clouds and rain and atmosphere, I thought adding and beginning with fire though, was out of place. I feel like you didn't have a clear grasp on your concept and you stort of let it come out as it pleases instead of giving it direction. Good read though, I think you just came up short conceptually. For me anyways.



Vote. I enjoyed Razahs topical style over the content behind the story of Jesodist, admittedly started off in bad position considering I'm not a fan of that story line. Two decent reads though. Elevate


V / Razah