[Alice White]

Timeless -

Quite unconventional scheme you employed here, which is a very nice addition to the overall enhancement of the narrative, imo. However, the first stanza followed a slightly different pattern, which required a rereading, but I thought you did just fine there. I really liked your usage of specific vocabulary, especially in the second stanza, it contributed to a vivid description of your perception of a (cyclic) "life". I really enjoyed this. Multis were simple at a few spots, but you had nice rhyming patterns which made for an overall smooth read.


Maximus -

I also liked the scheme in this. You had some very vividly depicted lines, such as the scriptures one. I like how you tried to maintain the motif of "knowledge" and the exchange of such. However, I thought some of your word choices and comparisons didn't quite fit into what you tried to portray, in comparison with your opening bars, such as the horny vixens one. But I like the core concept of this, it would have been great to see a climactic change or some more details to the "knowledge transformation" from the father to the son, though. But I understand the approach you took here fully. Due to the line length it might've been too vague to implement such a detailed description, I thought your execution was fairly interesting.

Mvgt - Timeless