JESODIST
Your style is like a bull in a china shop. I felt like your rhymes were just crushed in there and the story would've been told exactly the same if the lines were in a different order. Overall, it was cool but a little unfocused for me. Double negative in line 2 was quite frustrating as well.
Razah
Quote:
|
I wondered, does a cloud feel trapped in the sky
|
oh my god. amazing.
Razah, I loved the short bar style. Your style is so lucid and readable. I was impressed by how much you fit into so little. This was something I could read again and again. Nice work, man. If I were to offer a criticism it would be that "to be flourished" doesn't really make grammatical sense. You could've reworded that line.
Vote -- Razah