Dialogue sections were strong, perhaps they could have been expanded on they were interesting it would have been to read more dialogue like that. Second paragraph had great rhyming mechanics, E.g, martyr of war - sparking a brawl. It was skilful use of multi-rhymes without sacrificing content or rhyming absurd phrases. The ending gave it kind of humorous feel, the description of the "olden style tache" like rhyme version of an old western "BANG BANG" was a nice stylistic touch too.
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