Netcees - View Single Post - Schadenfreude vs Killing Spree

Pinot Grij · 02-26-2016, 01:34 AM

Schad
Attendance is just a jab.
Spreewell line had fresh wording.
Dab line ok - I just did one last week so its hard for me to judge it.
Crisis Counselor is dope af.
1-2 - setup is doper than the punch. Wish you coulda found somethin similar but better than limbo.
Closer is dope. Rhyme scheme dope.

Swagger was the predominant tone of the verse.

vs

Spree

I had to google what a shad was, so this one lost on me, sorry.
Sensodyne is ok as a flip, but needed a better concept around it.
Destroyer line is a nice personal.
Casket line has too much goin on.
I never read that Bags thread.
Wording in the closer is all over the place.

Vote -- Schadenfreude. Spree was too wordy, I felt like you need to bring your concepts back down to earth - way too much going on in there. Schad had good feel to the verse, crisis counselor was LOTB - nice execution. I really liked the closer and was almost all in on the 1-2 punch line.

02-26-2016, 01:34 AM	#12
Pinot Grij Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 863 Battle Record: 23-19 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night 2 - Write Week V - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Winter Topical II - 1-2 Punch league Rep Power: 29195064	Schad Attendance is just a jab. Spreewell line had fresh wording. Dab line ok - I just did one last week so its hard for me to judge it. Crisis Counselor is dope af. 1-2 - setup is doper than the punch. Wish you coulda found somethin similar but better than limbo. Closer is dope. Rhyme scheme dope. Swagger was the predominant tone of the verse. vs Spree I had to google what a shad was, so this one lost on me, sorry. Sensodyne is ok as a flip, but needed a better concept around it. Destroyer line is a nice personal. Casket line has too much goin on. I never read that Bags thread. Wording in the closer is all over the place. Vote -- Schadenfreude. Spree was too wordy, I felt like you need to bring your concepts back down to earth - way too much going on in there. Schad had good feel to the verse, crisis counselor was LOTB - nice execution. I really liked the closer and was almost all in on the 1-2 punch line. __________________ Topical C.R.E.A.M.