Netcees - View Single Post - Witty vs Wanderer

Pinot Grij · 02-26-2016, 01:18 AM

Wanderer

Donkey Kong line a little worn over - but you spun it well. Good wording, just no oomph.
Harder / Sardine don't rhyme - set up ruins your punch. Overall, the diss is a bit indirect too. Once again tho, I like where your head's at with the idea.
That Wit line was too basic.
Sense line is a good personal.
Honeycomb line is a bit awkwardly worded.
Fender line is cool. Nice.
Outwit line is similar to the earlier nameplay. Same criticism applies.

Overall, decent aggression in this verse.

vs

Witty

Opener is ok. If you call a walk a W tho that's a bit weird, unless you're around a dog.
Tic had a Hokey Pokey line this week too. He posted first, but you had the better execution. Thought it was well done.
The Double U line felt a little overworked. Something Carter Deems-ish about it too.
Jaws line is stupid dope.
Don't detail gay sex acts please fucking ever. It's awful to read. Making gay jokes is funny, talking explicitly about gay sex is horrible.
Second Coming is funny.
Geno line is ehh.

Overall, a more comedic angle than Wanderer.

Vote -- Witty. Only lines I really liked from Wanderer was the Senses and Fender line. DK, sardine, honeycomb were ok - just shows me you need to expand to better concepts but the right idea is there. The Wit lines were the only real bad part tho. Witty, I hate that fuckin' gay sex shit, but I was able to look past it because you had the two best punches of the battle with Hokey Pokey and Jaws. A couple other chucklers in there, but those stand out.

02-26-2016, 01:18 AM	#7
Pinot Grij Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 863 Battle Record: 23-19 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night 2 - Write Week V - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Winter Topical II - 1-2 Punch league Rep Power: 29195064	Wanderer Donkey Kong line a little worn over - but you spun it well. Good wording, just no oomph. Harder / Sardine don't rhyme - set up ruins your punch. Overall, the diss is a bit indirect too. Once again tho, I like where your head's at with the idea. That Wit line was too basic. Sense line is a good personal. Honeycomb line is a bit awkwardly worded. Fender line is cool. Nice. Outwit line is similar to the earlier nameplay. Same criticism applies. Overall, decent aggression in this verse. vs Witty Opener is ok. If you call a walk a W tho that's a bit weird, unless you're around a dog. Tic had a Hokey Pokey line this week too. He posted first, but you had the better execution. Thought it was well done. The Double U line felt a little overworked. Something Carter Deems-ish about it too. Jaws line is stupid dope. Don't detail gay sex acts please fucking ever. It's awful to read. Making gay jokes is funny, talking explicitly about gay sex is horrible. Second Coming is funny. Geno line is ehh. Overall, a more comedic angle than Wanderer. Vote -- Witty. Only lines I really liked from Wanderer was the Senses and Fender line. DK, sardine, honeycomb were ok - just shows me you need to expand to better concepts but the right idea is there. The Wit lines were the only real bad part tho. Witty, I hate that fuckin' gay sex shit, but I was able to look past it because you had the two best punches of the battle with Hokey Pokey and Jaws. A couple other chucklers in there, but those stand out. __________________ Topical C.R.E.A.M.