Netcees - View Single Post - Resin M-I-C vs Wanderer

Pinot Grij · 02-11-2016, 01:29 PM

Wanderer - you had the vague semblance of some workable concepts, but all of them fell short. The v-neck/autopsy imagery is good, but the punch didn't come together well. I don't know what the Glacier wordplay is, but the punch connected to it - like calling someone "slow-moving and frosty" isn't really that killer. Those punches can be made better with stronger wordplay, but I don't think you grasped that with this one. The wallaby line is decent wordplay, but the setup doesn't really connect that well. "Down under / wallaby" - like, I don't get the imagery of you eating dude's girl's pussy and then shooting him. The scene doesn't jive right, nomesayin? Opener and closer were kinda weak - everything in the middle had potential, I just think you gotta work on wording and think through your punches a little further.

Resin I think slayed with the first 4. The bloody line was funny and set the tone immediately. The IV line came next and the battle was over. English major is a cool concept. Medium shirts is cool too. Closer is cool wordplay. Hits all around and crazy originality.

Vote-- Resin MIC

02-11-2016, 01:29 PM	#10
Pinot Grij Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 863 Battle Record: 23-19 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night 2 - Write Week V - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Winter Topical II - 1-2 Punch league Rep Power: 29195064	Wanderer - you had the vague semblance of some workable concepts, but all of them fell short. The v-neck/autopsy imagery is good, but the punch didn't come together well. I don't know what the Glacier wordplay is, but the punch connected to it - like calling someone "slow-moving and frosty" isn't really that killer. Those punches can be made better with stronger wordplay, but I don't think you grasped that with this one. The wallaby line is decent wordplay, but the setup doesn't really connect that well. "Down under / wallaby" - like, I don't get the imagery of you eating dude's girl's pussy and then shooting him. The scene doesn't jive right, nomesayin? Opener and closer were kinda weak - everything in the middle had potential, I just think you gotta work on wording and think through your punches a little further. Resin I think slayed with the first 4. The bloody line was funny and set the tone immediately. The IV line came next and the battle was over. English major is a cool concept. Medium shirts is cool too. Closer is cool wordplay. Hits all around and crazy originality. Vote-- Resin MIC __________________ Topical C.R.E.A.M.